I realised today,
I’ve met some friends from far away—
but never again.
A sudden tug of grief,
a sharp pull at my heart,
for friendships that bloomed
for days, or just hours,
now only memories
that fade like distant stars.
Photos, yes, I have them still,
but no hugs, no sitting side by side.
I can’t hear your laugh except through wires,
and cables stretch our voices thin.
I can’t touch your hand,
or share my day,
or giggle when your joke
lands just right in our shared,
and my autistic British way.
Here I stand, friendless,
nervous, and full of doubt.
I overpower people with my nerves,
I shrink from touch,
even from the ones I love,
but with you—I was happy.
Truly happy,
for a moment, I was myself.
No fear, no shame,
no scars from the past,
just dreams of laughter and new places.
I could meet more friends,
but fear holds me tight.
What happens after?
How will I feel?
I second guess the “yes”
I have yet to give.
I hesitate in life,
scared of loneliness,
haunted by shadows
that refuse to let me go.
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