They’re talking to me again. They’re smiling and grimacing and
shattering my feelings again
They say things like, ‘we understand.’ ‘we care.’ ‘we know where
you are coming from.’


Nobody understands, or cares or gets it
Scrunching heart. Twisted stomach. Fucked off.
I get my coat and start to walk out of the door. Someone grabs my
hand and pulls me back laughing, trying to thrust a drink in my hand.
My face hurts as I try to smile at him
‘aw come on. Have a large one. Make you forget the bastards HAHA’
Just want to smack his face. Watch the blood dripping from his
broken nose. Hear the crunch.
I smile
‘THERE YOU GO!’ he guffaws like the ass he is. ‘Just the thought
has you happy again!’
Cardboard people. No thoughts or real emotion between them as
they sit there smiling inanely at each other chatting about insanely
I take the outstretched glass from his hand and holding it out in front of
him, purposely drop it on the floor. It tinkles. Shattered glass sprays the
floor glancing off a womans ankles that are too close.
‘SHIT!’ she yells.
The room slows down. I see everything frame by frame. The monsters
show their faces through the wallpaper, horns waggling at me, ‘naughty,
naughty’ they sing
The idiot man stands in front of me still holding his hand out, mouth
open, eyes wide. He is looking at the shards of glass and looks up in
time to see my fist reach his nose.
Walking out the door unmolested I smile and head home to walk the dog

At The End Of The Walk

During the day walkers would park their weary bottoms, slug from
water bottles, and then continue up on their journeys. Dogs would poke
inquisitive noses into the bracken whilst their owners stopped to check
their map. Couples would rendezvous, shyly kiss and travel on.
The bench stood in its copse. Its wood carrying memories of when it
had been a tree. Sounds of the horn blowing through Its leaves as his
lordship cantered after the stag. Ladies leaning against its trunk as
their beau picked them wild flowers growing around its base. It
remembered its pain as the sharp blade of the wood mans axe bit into
its bark.
It sat, listening to the rustles of the wild animals. Feeling the wind flow
over and around it. Hearing the birds chattering as they flew over it.
It sat and waited for you

Dot and Sam

Dot looked around and smiled at her son. His chubby face grinned
back, loose hair flopped over one eye making him look like a one eyed
‘Mum! Listen to me!’
‘I am listening sweetheart.’ Dot laughed. ‘I always listen to you.’
‘Samuel pulled away as most 13 year old boys do from a Mothers hug.
He looked so adorable in his school shorts and blazer.
‘I wonder where your father is’ Dot sighed. ‘He is always late these
She walked into the kitchen. ‘Would you like something to eat now?’
Samuel followed her in and gently led her back into the lounge.
‘Mum, Dad is not coming home now’
Dot started, her heart in her throat as she stared at Samuel.
Then she remembered and sank down onto the nearest chair
Gordon had died recently. His heart had given out they said. She found
it hard when she forgot he was not there.
Crying herself to sleep had become a habit.
‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ Came a mans voice from the kitchen.
She looked up to see a middle aged man walk into the room, a
questioning look on his face.
‘Who are you?’ She asked looking around for Samuel.
The man smiled sadly, lines wrinkling up around tired eyes as he did
‘Its me Mum. Samuel. Your son’
Dot stared at him fighting through the sudden pain of recollection.
Samuel looked at his mum and hated the dementia that had a hold of

In The Kitchen

someone’s in the kitchen. Hope they are making tea, I’m thirsty! I can
hear the cups tinkling on the saucers. The whoosh of the kettle heating.
Teaspoon clattering around the sugar bowl.
Must be Mum. Father is watching a political broadcast in the back room.
I’m only half listening to it as it’s not a party I follow. Not that I follow any
party really. Hate politics. All as bad as each other! Never done us any
good have they?!
Sis is upstairs with a friend. I can hear them chattering to each other but
can’t make out which boy it’s about this time. She has a different
heartthrob every day it seems.
I wonder if bro got his job he went after. I haven’t seen him for a couple
of days now. He often stays around his mates so it’s nothing new for him
to be gone. I miss him though. He has great music on when home.
Obviously I can’t play it when he’s not there. Shame really.
Well, I’ve had my half hour playing make believe. Its pouring with rain.
I’m soaking now. I’ve stayed in their garden too long tonight. I need to
get to a safe sleeping place before the drunks come out.
Someones in in the kitchen.
Wish it was me.

Sheffield Steel

Shiny bright
it glitters like stars as the light catches
she is smiling on a friend just found
head on one side
tongue extends and licks lip in anticipation
eyes furrow as makers name is read
sheffield steel
thank you sheffield
showered and all parts bare
scrubbed clean and raw
sheffield rests on bathroom floor as bath is run
hot water scalding as tested under hand
hair brushing face as she bends over to test the heat
music plays its drone of love lost and innocence spat out
she debates if it should play or not
best left on
toes burn as daintly placed in the steamy depths
makeup freshly applied with black lines streaked around her eyes
red lips stark against the pale skin
tears once fallen stain the face
beautiful in its despair
sheffield is caressed and whispered to
its cold heart closed to all entreaties
thin and keen
in her mind it glows and is her best hope
she tenderly lays it down and up each arm
its sharpness almost a tickle against the skin
she smiles after a small flutter of panic
this is the right way
the only way
water overflows falling into the room below
her tears now washed away along with her black kohl pencil
fears gone
hopes gone
future now set in stone
death with a smile