Living with autism and ADHD is bloody hard sometimes. People imagine it’s all about being quirky, creative, or having a “different way of thinking.” And yes, there’s truth in that. But the part that doesn’t get talked about enough? The endless, frustrating struggle just to finish anything.
Honestly, it feels like living inside a pinball machine. My brain bounces from one thought to another, lights flashing everywhere, and I’m trying desperately to catch hold of one task long enough to see it through. Even important things slip through my fingers because….bam! “squirrel brain” strikes and suddenly I’m doing something completely different.
Take today. I started clearing out a cupboard because I needed to find something. Out came a pile of things that ended up dumped on the floor. Halfway through that job, I noticed my work table still wasn’t tidied, so I abandoned the cupboard chaos and went over there. Then my brain screamed at me: Book 4! You need to write a few paragraphs! So I opened my notebook, only to remember that actually, I still had all the cupboard stuff to put away. At which point I realised the washing needed hanging out… so off I went to start that instead.
Not a single one of those tasks was properly finished. And that, in a nutshell, is life with autism and ADHD.
It wears you down. The guilt of all those half-done things, staring at you. The voice in your head saying, why can’t you just get on with it like everyone else? I’ve cried over the sheer weight of unfinished stuff….sometimes tiny things, like laundry, but also big, important projects I actually want to finish.
And the worst bit? Other people don’t see that fight. To them it looks like laziness or lack of willpower. But the truth is, my brain is running a marathon every day just to stay upright.
Here’s the part I remind myself when it all feels impossible: despite the chaos, despite the squirrel brain, I have held down a job. Thirteen, nearly fourteen years of working online from home. It hasn’t been smooth sailing, and yes, I’ve left things late or scrambled last minute more times than I can count. But I’m still here. Still showing up. Still earning a living.
That’s no small thing. For people like us, it’s a bloody achievement.
I’m trying (not always successfully) to be kinder to myself about it. To see the small wins: writing one paragraph even if the blog post isn’t finished, tidying one corner instead of the whole room, sending one email instead of clearing the whole inbox.
Because yes, my brain will probably always be like this. The guilt doesn’t magically vanish. But I’m learning to see my life not as a list of failures, but as proof that even in the middle of the chaos, I’ve built something real.
👉 If you’re also juggling ADHD, autism, or both, and you feel like you’ve got a trail of half-done projects behind you—please know you’re not failing. You’re fighting battles every day that others can’t see. And the fact you’re still here, still trying, still caring? That’s already bloody incredible.
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About the Author
Guilt. Guilt + Grief. Been there for a long time. But…
I can’t image guilt + grief + ADHA and Autism all at the same time.
Keep “hangin’ in there”.
You ARE incredible Abbie!
So are you, lady!! 💖